In my previous post I shared that I believed God had called me back to Costa Rica to partake in the Children At Risk school. Instead it turns out that today, January 25th, I'm writing (to whomever reads this) from my room in the States. I don't believe I've mistaken God when it comes to participating in this school, I just don't believe January 2010 was the right time.
In a Discipleship Training School you literally live in a bubble for five months. Everything is safe. The people you are surrounded by love and long to draw closer to God and know Him personally and intimately. It's contagious. It's a flame that grows bigger and bigger. For five months it seems so crazily possible to walk side-by-side with God.
In those moments it's easy to love.
In those moments it's easy to forgive.
In those moments it's easy to be open and share what you struggle with.
In those moments it's easy to share what joy and hope you have with the perfect stranger or those who mistreat you.
In those moments life doesn't seem like a struggle that you have to greet morning after morning- it becomes a joy.
Ultimately, in those moments you know you're the perfectly beloved child of God.
I think that many people have memories of a time as the one I've described. Life was a special gift we were given. God wasn't a faraway unreachable “idea”. He was real in our lives. We felt alive, we felt we were created for purpose, the path was straight and even. I don't just want a far away memory of a time when I felt close to Him... The truth is we can still have that relationship with God and continue to grow, but we must learn to surrender to Him and fight the things that blur our vision. God never left our side, why do we sometimes live as though He has?
One reason I believe God has asked me to stay where I am is to learn how to grow, rely, and trust in Him no matter where I am. For some reason it's much easier for me to be who God has made me to be when I'm not in the USA. Now He's asking me to learn to allow myself to come out of my shell in my own family, with friends I've known my whole life, with new relationships and in my own city.
Where is it that you need to grow and what's standing in your way?
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hand. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immorality to light through the gospel. 2 Timothy 1:6-10
